You applied 137 times. Got rejected 136. The one yes built everything.
136 no's that felt like the universe conspiring against you. One yes that proved it was conspiring for you all along.
You kept a spreadsheet.
Company name. Date applied. Response.
Rejected. Rejected. No response. Rejected.
137 rows by month nine.
Each one a paper cut.
Some were form letters.
Some were silence.
The worst were the ones that said "impressive, but."
Because they confirmed you were good enough to notice.
Just not good enough to choose.
Your mother stopped asking.
Your friends stopped suggesting.
Your savings account stopped cooperating.
By application 100 you considered quitting.
By 120 you were numb.
By 136 you pressed send with nothing left.
No hope. No expectation.
Just muscle memory.
The finger hits send because the finger has been trained.
And sometimes that's all you have.
Application 137 wasn't different. You were. You'd been emptied of everything except the habit of trying. And that's the version of you they finally said yes to.